The Truth is...I'm Scared

Sam starts Kindergarten in the fall. He'll be attending school with his big brother, his best friend, his cousins, and many friends from church. He'll only be there two days a week.  Many of the faculty and staff and administration are close friends from church. I have all the confidence in the world in our school. But if you ask me how I feel about him being there, I'd tell you- I'm really, really scared.

Fear is what overwhelms me when I think of him being out of my care two days a week.

In the past month, we've had two of the scariest moments in our diabetes history. Sam had a stomach bug, which kept his body from absorbing anything from the food he was desperately trying to keep in his body. As a result, he had too much insulin in him and his blood sugar crashed so low that we had to give him an emergency shot of Glucagon. Then, just a couple of weeks ago, Sam was at our church while Charles and I were nearby at a party. We managed to bring the wrong insulin (his slow-release kind, that he takes before bed, instead of his quick-release one, that he takes after he eats). As a result, his blood sugar was so high that his monitor couldn't even register it. It just said, "High."

Both of these situations could have resulted in a trip to the hospital. In both cases, God graciously took care of Sam. Both of these situations happened on our watch.

Sam will only be starting Kindergarten if he gets a pump this summer. I can't physically be at the school every time he needs insulin, and I don't think it would be wise to rely on a teacher to do it. So a pump is a requirement. He's had his blood work done, which was the first step in the process. He goes back to the Pediatric Endocrinologist next month, where hopefully we will be discussing the next step. Our doctor has given us all the confidence in the world that a pump will change all of our lives for the better. More freedom, more independence, more control, more consistency. He assures us that it will take no time at all for us all to get used to it. I believe him. I trust him. But life with a pump is a reality that we haven't experienced before. I'm having a hard time being confident in something that I haven't experienced yet.

I know Sam isn't the first diabetic 5 year old to go to school. But he's my diabetic 5 year old.
More updates to come as this story continues to unfold. Thanks for reading and caring, friends.