It touches everything (or, the post in which I whine a lot)

If you ask me how Sam is doing, I'll tell you that he's great. He's adjusted well, he's healthy, he doesn't complain any more than the average 4 year old boy (all the time). Kids are resilient, right? Kids adapt, right?

But I'm 31 and I'm tired of adapting. I'm tired of diabetes.

It messes with everything. It touches everything. It affects EVERYTHING.

If my (almost) 7 year old is any indication, boys are always hungry. But Sam can't just eat all the time. Everything has to be timed and monitored (pain-stakingly monitored) and insulin has to be administered. At our church picnic last weekend, my husband had to watch Sam like a hawk to make sure he didn't sneak desserts off of the incredibly enticing dessert table. Or chips, or bread, or anything else. There were tears when he had to eat the chocolate chip cookies I made instead of the Wal-mart kind. (Thanks for that, kid.) There were tears for being forced to drink water instead of Sprite. There were tears when the kids in the moon bounce wouldn't stop jumping just because he wanted them to.
...Ok, perhaps I can't blame that one on diabetes.

The point is, this aspect of his life, the eating aspect (which is kind of a big one), isn't normal. It's not what everyone else has to think about, worry about, or deal with. Even if we shouldn't, most of us can eat whatever we want and not think twice about it (until the guilt sets in later for the 6 cookies we ate).

I want that for him.
And if I'm being honest, I want that for my husband and I, too.
I want to bake new things and bake more often.
I don't want to have to do math. That's why I majored in psychology. (Although OU had other plans for me.) I don't want to measure his cereal every morning. I want to give him cheese and crackers for breakfast so I don't have to get up off the couch.
I want to take him on a date to Starbucks and get him chocolate milk and a donut and not bat an eye.
I want to know that when he falls asleep in the middle of the day it's just because he's tired, and not because his blood sugar is potentially low.
I want to deal with attitudes and discipline issues and not have to second-guess that, maybe he's acting this way because he's low and needs a snack.
I want to go on a date with my husband and not have to worry about Sam or the person who's watching him.

I want easy.
And diabetes isn't easy.